Life is full of stress. My mind seems to find extra stress anywhere it wanders. I need to learn to let go of things. One of the "things" I am considering letting go is my job. I don't enjoy it. But, I like being needed. God, I hate that I am going to say this.. I enjoy adult conversation. I enjoy having others to talk to and brag about my babies to.

I did not do a very good job of finding a support system for myself when I was only working part time in the evenings. I should have been out there in the "mommy" world trying to make more connections. But, I never felt like I fit in. I was the young mother or the obese mother. Yes, I did that to myself. I worried about what others thought of my size before I let them get to know the real me. Now that I'm closer to the normal size of American women, I want to get out there and be an active mommy.

R needs me now. She is not "terminal or critical" but she is in need of further evaluation and time. Going back to work full time and to school was too much with a small child, especially this small child. I need to find a reputable ENT, a physical therapist that she and I both mesh with, and more time to play with her. T needs friends and he has those at school. He needs time with me but doesn't need visits to specialists every few weeks.

I've put my worries about T & R to the side in hopes that P would find the perfect job. If he could get a job somewhere that wouldn't bankrupt us, I could go to school and focus on the kids without worrying about how to pay for daycare and bring a few extra dollars home each pay period.

Lets look at the math for a slap in the face:
Daycare: $550 every two weeks (I think it has gone up.. but I'm not sure)
Heather brings home after working 80 hours: $130-170
Costs to be taken out of the 170: Coffee (major addiction highly expensive) $20, meals $20 to 30, clothes (every two weeks.. I'm shrinking here..) $25

Pros.. I have time to take live classes, Thomas has a place to get his energy out, R has peers to pressure her into walking.. Not that it has worked yet.

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1 thoughts:

    Milenka said...

    How are things going over there, H? Thinking of you...

  1. ... on 9:31 PM