I've always had the worst luck on holidays, birthdays, and vacations. I have a 90% chance of getting sick. It seems to have come true for L and I this winter break (R is dealing with a small cold but it hasn't slowed her down). L was diagnosed with RSV and a double ear infection the day after Christmas. It was the third day I had spent arguing with myself over whether or not he needed immediate medical attention. I felt like a horse's arse for not getting him in sooner but the doctor said he was doing ok and I had been doing everything right. So until tomorrow's recheck we are home with antibiotics, steroids, and a nebulizer. I don't want to let him out of my sight in case he stops breathing. Needless to say everything else around the house has been pretty well ignored.

Christmas was good other than the sickness. The kids ended up with a lot more than I expected thanks to generous family members. They were tickled pink with everything they got. T even got a surprise present of losing his first tooth during/after Christmas dinner.

Things feel strained between P and I. I don't know what to do because this time feels like a test that I'm doomed to fail. I hate failing and if I'm going to fail no matter what I want to end things now. I don't know how else to tell him this. He seems to be trying now but his idea of trying is well lacking for me and I'm sure he thinks the same of my attempts to try. This time my heart isn't into trying I don't want it to be broken again. I want to get through winter break and get back into our normal and see if we can manage to be kind and loving during that time. It might happen.. right?

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