Yesterday a friend asked me if P was second thinking his deployment (less than a month away) to the sandbox. I assured her that he can't back out now due to a contract and the fact that we really need the influx of funds. Her point was that money can't be worth the possibility of P being killed. Yes, there is a chance that P could be harmed while he assists in the reconstruction effort. But, he will not be in any active fighting and we found out yesterday that his duty station is in a safe compound. The thing is.. P would have willingly served over there years ago but did not want to leave when his father was so ill. P believes in supporting the mission of our country. So, yes.. the time he serves over in the sandbox will help us dig out of financial mess. But, he will also be doing what he believes in.

My relationship with P has been strenuous. I'd love to say that it's all his fault. But, it's not. He has been very insecure since before I had gastric bypass and he truly believes that I'll leave him for another guy. The thing is.. I've had a baby in the last year and the last thing I'm thinking about is carnal pleasures. I'd much rather have my beauty sleep. Other than that.. it's the financial stress that's bringing us to odds. We both believe that stress will be gone when he gets back. So.. once again. Things are rough right now.. but I believe in fighting for our marriage. I'm not willing to throw in the towel.

I'm a people pleaser. I try to make everyone happy and at times do it without thinking about the reprecussions to my own life. I can't and won't do that any longer. I'm not about to do something that makes a friend more comfortable but leaves me in a bad place with P. I can't and won't hurt myself to please others..


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