My trip to Florida is almost over. I’m going home on Sunday to fight for my marriage and family. I’m not going to be unprepared though. I have grabbed the apartment guide and my sister and I have a plan to help each other if I come down here. It’s a tough talking about these plans and then telling her that I really want to go home and try to make the marriage work. She could really use the help here. She is doing so much on her own with the two kids, going to school, trying to find a job, helping her husband decide what he will do when he is done in Iraq, and helping my dad get back on his feet. Obligation to my sister can’t push me to leave my husband.

I will only leave if he is physically or emotionally abusive (again). I want our family to move out of the rut that we are in. I want us to spend more time together as a family, I want to have time with P as a couple, and I want individual time for P and me (without our wonderful children). It really isn’t too much to ask for... Dinner as a family (most nights), cooking, going for walks, and day trips (Bu$ch Gardens, Baltimore Aquarium) are simple things we can do as a family. Couple time may get tricky but where there is a will there is a way. I take the kids out one day each weekend to give P a break (he prefers his solitaire time in front of the computer) and I am going to start taking (horse) riding lessons once a week.

I have gotten signs that make me feel like staying in Virginia is a good idea for now. My manager told me that they were considering me for a position that requires a bachelor’s degree (which I don’t have... but my experience in the lab could outweigh that requirement) and I should hear something when I get back.

The kids are driving me crazy today. I haven’t had more than 3 hours of sleep (interrupted by T and my sister’s dog). They are out of their element AND the stress I’ve put myself under has not helped my mood.

I need a facial or a massage… just an hour by myself would be nice right now.

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